what do you deserve

2011-12-20T02:21:00.001+08:00

is it too late?

2011-12-18T23:31:00.001+08:00

no i dont, this one's really special

2011-12-18T20:50:00.002+08:00

but do i really?

2011-12-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

here just staring at the screen and thought:
why do i always pick the wrong ones?

2011-12-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

im bigger than this

so

2011-12-18T20:13:00.001+08:00

fucking angry

2011-12-18T18:45:00.001+08:00

have a little self-respect
youre not even trying

2011-12-18T18:40:00.001+08:00

"if i didnt care, i wouldnt have called."
well if you did cared, you wouldve asked.

2011-12-18T17:34:00.001+08:00

gonna take a walk. its been too long

2011-12-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

and i hate how different people act around different people

2011-12-18T17:29:00.007+08:00

fuck bitches
2 kinds of bitches that i hate, dumb bitches and annoying bitches.
fuck me

2011-12-18T17:28:00.001+08:00

man i hate girls, they never listen
im still fucking pissed

2011-12-18T17:27:00.001+08:00

then she asked me about bricks

2011-12-18T17:24:00.003+08:00

there are reasons to everything

2011-12-18T17:24:00.000+08:00

think before your actions

2011-12-18T17:18:00.001+08:00

People who don't call me

these are nice people, but they just never call you. they never will

"yeah man i'll call you tmr or next week"

never did and never will

too busy or am i not that important

tell me so i can stop giving a fuck about calling you to hang out or meet

you want something you find me and i give and you get

taken for granted

2011-12-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

How can I explain

can't believe i'm wasting my time

2011-12-18T17:12:00.004+08:00

that awkward moment when you quietly leave your band to join another band because "amirul and kurt and iskandar didnt want me in the band and they forced me to join and now im forced to leave" and talk shit about ME AND MY FRIENDS to everyone i know and then make a fool out of yourself at a first show.. nice try but well girls, your band is a bunch of faggot ass pussies who can't speak for themselves. and really, if you really have the balls or a little bit of gut like how youre on twitter, come to my face and tell me you hate me player

2011-12-18T17:12:00.002+08:00

fucck

2011-12-18T17:03:00.001+08:00

Time to put my hand down

2010-10-27T05:06:00.002+08:00

Money exchanged for an existence. No booklet to map out your money hungry plans. Responsibilities non compliant for a life that’s been placed in their hands, for a life that’s been placed, placed in their hands. Big name corporations breeding nothing but greed. An animal’s life for a profit is the only light they see. So emotionless, so ignorant, abandoned and abused by the ones who are suppose to care. Fragile skeletal bodies beneath hairless infected skin, Raw pink scar tissue, with a look of terror in their eyes. In a world consumed by pain. Daily acts of unspeakable violence, emotionally damaged. Life goes out the door, just another thing no one cares for

2010-10-27T05:03:00.003+08:00

As she stares in the mirror through hazy grey eyes, the only thing she see’s are the imperfections of perceptions of the world starring back at her. “Can I be beautiful?” Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen. The portrayal of a perfection as she dies that little more inside, cries those tears that she tries to hide. “Why can’t I be beautiful?” As she stares through hazy grey eyes, the perception of the world. It’s sinking deep in her mind with these feelings and shadowed thoughts. Her world slows down for a minute or maybe more. Her vision lags, her skin crawls. What does this life have in store for her? Like a gloss coated picture or a digital screen. The portrayal of a perfection as she dies that little more inside. “With the thought, why can’t I be beautiful?” “Why can’t I?” Bring me the pseudo mirror and watch me shine. Open up my wings and soar through the skies, dancing in sweet spring of hope and through the clouds. Repairing broken bridges of thoughts I might once have had. “Open up my wings, I wish that I had” “Why can’t I be beautiful?” As she stares through hazy grey eyes, the perception of the world is sinking deep, deep in her mind

2010-10-26T01:02:00.001+08:00

I can’t seem to answer all these questions, my mind is running overtime to figure them out.
This life is so full of anguish without all the death we see. I see, I hear you but its so hard to believe.
God, where are we now? Can you hear us through those clouds? When the rain is beating down?
Our hopes and dreams never left the ground. Nothings being done for your daughters or your sons.
Everything just stays the same. So they say nothing’s your name. Do we believe in nothing?
I scream at the sky! Into the big nothing, begging to hear something. I scream at the sky.

As I close my eyes to sleep, I've decided that I still believe

2010-10-15T01:45:00.001+08:00

I've got my own brand of patriotism. It comes with nights of emptiness, where I show my true colors.
The real meaning of independence. I'm hanging this flag as a warning for you to keep your range.

It'll be better if you keep your distance. It'll be better if you just keep away.

I am marching to the beat of a dead horse.

2010-10-15T01:44:00.001+08:00

Sun down, sun up. I speak in sarcasm to relate to all the things I appreciate.
I lie in rhythm to open doors. I follow suit and just want more.
My reputations is the same it's been, and I don't care what happens. I read the book, so I know the end.
I've probably said too much, but I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm losing sleep.
I'm losing friends.
I've got a love/hate love with the city I'm in.
I'll count the hours, having just one wish.

If I'm doing fine, there's no point to this.

2010-10-15T01:42:00.001+08:00

There's nothing that can shock me anymore: from actions to reactions, I want more.
What is it you want to hear? That I'm doing great? Well, I'm lying. We're just a parody of ourselves.
I'm wasting all my time. I'll go to Morrissey to answer my questions, because Ian Curtis has left me hanging.
With our intentions at our worst, we give away all our worth, and I am spent.

2010-10-15T01:40:00.003+08:00

I said that I'd never be the same possibly for impact, but possibly for certain.
I also said I'd never know another you but fate has been making me a liar.
I blame it on the Golden State, my heart lies in Los Angeles.
I think it just needs the attention.

2010-10-15T01:34:00.002+08:00

I walk through the darkest rooms full of gloom and minds like maze and rejoice cause I'll be the voice of your failure fucking generation still don't belong to anyone. This is a life of hesitation and we'd all trade one night to remember. For the years we've carelessly wasted, big dreams and half full drinks afew pills in your guts. So now it's easy to think or breathe and true love was just a marketed ploy. So guys can hit their lines and girls can grab their boys. Sweet innocence with loser's luck, I know you think you're giving love but you're just getting fucked. Guess what? I looked and you know what I found? That you can't expect to trust this world when you can't even trust yourself. And your head starts to spin as you dance to the beat because tomorrow isn't promised, but it's sure as fuck is coming. And your body starts to shake as you sing in the streets because it's cold outside, so you better start running. Don't count on me to save your life when I've never had a clear enough perspective on mine, and I know things change, we'll go our separate ways. And alive is the only thing it seems we've stayed lately and the truth isn't always easy to believe. You walk alone to the sound of your own heartbeat and I know it's not always so easy to see but we are still all so fucking beautiful to me..

2010-08-23T15:01:00.001+08:00

The beat went on and I just stopped

My hands are tied but my heart was not

You let go of me, to hold on to better things

In a world of someone, I just wanted to be no one

Live my life on my own, selfish I know, but who would even know?

I’m not one to be screaming 'Fuck The World'

But muttered under long breaths

There’s no life I would have rather lived

Immersed in my own regret

Smoking myself to sleep

I will never sleep because sleep is the cousin of death

If I could change myself I would be a better man

But I just hang on to the boy inside

I’m never happy with myself

But living for the downside is far too easy

Times have changed and I’ve changed perception, but I still remember-

Alone, alone, so alone

On and on and on

Being so heavy-hearted

Fleeting days remind me of how I used to be

2010-08-23T14:53:00.003+08:00

You still cross my mind from time to time and I mostly smile. Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why. so I retrace our every step with an unsure pen, trying to figure out what my head thinks, but my head just ain't what it used to be. And then again, what's the point anyway?

I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony to see if you could see me - hidden quietly away.
And I remember the skin of your fingers, the spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say. You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak, you were too afraid to speak and I could never understand. I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear, that not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand, and I remember how you smiled through the smoke in a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes. And I remember the way that you dressed and how we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat and I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving, how I barely kept up breathing and I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain, and I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears. How I wept to god in fits. I've hated airports ever since.

It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain and every single day I feel it fade away, but -
I still remember how the distance tricked us, and lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured.
I still remember how we held so strong to this, though we had never really settled on a way out.
I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes.
I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.

My dear, I hear your voice in mine;

I've been alone here,
I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here.
You've been away for years.
I've been alone.
I've been alone.

I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me. I felt my anger swelling; I swam into it's sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear. It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear. So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head. And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead. If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend. And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

2010-07-14T18:24:00.002+08:00

18 years lived, 4 years dead. I've lost myself in a cold october night. no innocence is left of me. and every day feels like wasting. I've wasted these years. half stack inside 'what if's', half stack inside regrets. time went by and silence came. depression is my one and only friend. in lonely nights, I still lay awake, spending hours asking...'where have you been? to save me from my mistakes. easy love and some bottles of sin, were all it needed to make a lover a thief.' you're hazel eyes, my favorite smile. missed since the day when you said goodbye. and my heart still knows our swan song. I'm sorry, ‘cause this was our last song. and every day feels like wasting. I've wasted these years. half stack inside 'what if's', half stack inside regrets. And it all happened too fast. now it's too late, can't turn back time, I've failed. and I spent nights waiting for you in the cold. I spent nights hoping for you in my thoughts, but you never came. YOU NEVER CAME. only in my dreams you came... and with every night spent alone the distance grows and further seems forever. and I realize I'm all alone…